The year of our Lord MMXIV

Well its been a little bit since I wrote on this here autobiography. For some reason that has a southern accent attached to it. My current location is the Opening Bell Coffee in good ol' Dallas, TX. This has been an interesting year of life. I think i'll try to do my best to summarize the year 2014 in this post. As it draws to close I think of where I was about a year ago. As I look back I can't help but think I was better then than I am now. This isn't true in its basic essence. There are certain aspects that I do think line up with that statement, however. I feel as though I had a lot more clear thoughts on life and the Divine. That might not carry a lot of weight but when I look at my life I place importance on such things. A little over a year ago I started dating a young lady and this whole year has really been a story about that. With the exception of a few things here and there the story has been mostly about us. There have been ups and downs, and other such things. As the new year began I placed so much importance on that relationship that I forfeited much of myself along the way. I pursued this woman the way I believed was correct, and in a way that I had never done before. That I don't look back on with disappointment. There were certain points when I stopped being conscious about my boundaries and who I was, on those I look back less fondly. I know that sounds super ambiguous but I can't think of specific moments when all this happened. Our relationship ended at the end of November, and I am still unsure what all contributed to this. I think I'm getting ahead of myself. A year ago we were approaching the new year and I would've done anything for this woman. I would pay for everything she needed, I would try to be everything she would need, and I was never more than a few feet from her when we were together. (I know you're thinking, there are so many issues with that, right?) She was at the time applying to school and I was trying to keep her positive through the discouragements that came. We travelled to Indiana together for Valentines Day, which was a great memory. She met my family, and they all liked her. Rightly so she is an amazing person! We had a few interesting things happen around birthday time, but they ended up being mostly good. I was challenged a little bit when it came to my ability to take care of thing that I believed were my responsibilities as the man in the relationship. As I write this I think about all the misconceptions I have about what it means to be in relationship. As the spring turned to summer, there were more opportunities to learn, and more opportunities for wins and loses. Summer brought on a trip to Nashville, TN to visit a school, and I enjoyed the city all over again. A trip then to Eastern Europe was laden with quite a few feelings I couldn't fully tell you about to this day, but they were there. It was a wonderful time, and honestly I really felt a growing heart for Europe and its people. As I write tonight, I think about it. I will go back. Summer faded into fall and so the end began for a relationship that almost made its anniversary.  There is quite a bit that lead up to the end, but all I can say is it was inevitable. When it came, it didn't come softly nor even timely. We first went on a break, and as it ended I knew the relationship must ultimately end. It was hard, and still is.. at least on this chilly night in January. I will write by hand about it more I'm sure, but for now I'll leave this year where it ended, full yet empty, successful yet with failings, but still.. good.