The year of our Lord MMXIV

Well its been a little bit since I wrote on this here autobiography. For some reason that has a southern accent attached to it. My current location is the Opening Bell Coffee in good ol' Dallas, TX. This has been an interesting year of life. I think i'll try to do my best to summarize the year 2014 in this post. As it draws to close I think of where I was about a year ago. As I look back I can't help but think I was better then than I am now. This isn't true in its basic essence. There are certain aspects that I do think line up with that statement, however. I feel as though I had a lot more clear thoughts on life and the Divine. That might not carry a lot of weight but when I look at my life I place importance on such things. A little over a year ago I started dating a young lady and this whole year has really been a story about that. With the exception of a few things here and there the story has been mostly about us. There have been ups and downs, and other such things. As the new year began I placed so much importance on that relationship that I forfeited much of myself along the way. I pursued this woman the way I believed was correct, and in a way that I had never done before. That I don't look back on with disappointment. There were certain points when I stopped being conscious about my boundaries and who I was, on those I look back less fondly. I know that sounds super ambiguous but I can't think of specific moments when all this happened. Our relationship ended at the end of November, and I am still unsure what all contributed to this. I think I'm getting ahead of myself. A year ago we were approaching the new year and I would've done anything for this woman. I would pay for everything she needed, I would try to be everything she would need, and I was never more than a few feet from her when we were together. (I know you're thinking, there are so many issues with that, right?) She was at the time applying to school and I was trying to keep her positive through the discouragements that came. We travelled to Indiana together for Valentines Day, which was a great memory. She met my family, and they all liked her. Rightly so she is an amazing person! We had a few interesting things happen around birthday time, but they ended up being mostly good. I was challenged a little bit when it came to my ability to take care of thing that I believed were my responsibilities as the man in the relationship. As I write this I think about all the misconceptions I have about what it means to be in relationship. As the spring turned to summer, there were more opportunities to learn, and more opportunities for wins and loses. Summer brought on a trip to Nashville, TN to visit a school, and I enjoyed the city all over again. A trip then to Eastern Europe was laden with quite a few feelings I couldn't fully tell you about to this day, but they were there. It was a wonderful time, and honestly I really felt a growing heart for Europe and its people. As I write tonight, I think about it. I will go back. Summer faded into fall and so the end began for a relationship that almost made its anniversary.  There is quite a bit that lead up to the end, but all I can say is it was inevitable. When it came, it didn't come softly nor even timely. We first went on a break, and as it ended I knew the relationship must ultimately end. It was hard, and still is.. at least on this chilly night in January. I will write by hand about it more I'm sure, but for now I'll leave this year where it ended, full yet empty, successful yet with failings, but still.. good.

Thoughts on God showing up in awesome ways (like glory clouds and sparkles)

  Theologically it’s not out of the question, unless you of course claim interesting/odd/awesome phenomena stopped at the end of the first century church. I however am persuaded that He keeps up the craziness! So why not in every place? Why doesn’t He do these unexplainable signs everywhere? I think many have asked this question, and perhaps I’m the least qualified to present possible answer. I mean I don’t have a M.Div (my theological degree is a bit “Practical” [CFNIers get it], but in a recent conversation with a dear friend a few thoughts came up that perhaps bear some truth.

     

       In the days that Jesus walked this earth, He went around doing good deeds, healing the sick, casting out demons, and giving sight to the blind (sometimes in strange/cool ways e.g. making mud from His spit and putting on a guys eyes). Oddly enough those who were church leaders, or those who had all the answers, found every possible way to diminish the Son of God, from calling him a son of the devil, to a blasphemer. Eventually a few came to the conclusion that He might be a prophet, but the majority seemed to be in one accord that He should be destroyed. I say all that to say this, the things He did were not normal, thus causing many churchgoers to distance themselves from believing in Him. Fast forward to today (Not that there isn’t a ton of awesome stuff to glean from church history, because there is e.g. tongues of fire appearing over the Disciples at Pentecost). The church now is not so different from back then, in certain ways. There is a certain apprehension toward all things Spiritual/Supernatural, and even more skepticism when something unexplainable happens. It could be that we are comfortable with the Christianity we’ve built, and would rather not have the waters stirred. But I find myself wondering if the answer is revealed in a sort of biblical parallel. Jesus performed many wonders among those who were simply willing to believe. Many of these with the faith like that of a child. The place He was able to do the least, however was in the place where He was expected to act a certain way, in His hometown. God being limited by our preconceptions of how He should act, though perhaps somewhat true, is not the point I’m trying to make. I wonder however, if He chooses not to perform signs and wonders based on the fact that for many who are along the journey of sanctification it would prove to be more of a stumbling block. I think of something Jesus says that I’m sure could be interpreted many ways. In Luke 18 Jesus talks about receiving the kingdom as a child does, and though this entails much more than signs and wonders I have to believe it must include them. He certainly didn’t say we should receive the kingdom like a theologian. Something I’ve noticed when these unexplainable signs happen is that the children who see them don’t hesitate to believe and are left in awe as well as full of joy. I remember when I was a child being around some pretty cool things, like awesome healings and such. These didn’t push me away from God but rather drew me closer. What I am not saying is that we should be theologically ignorant, even though I don’t have a degree I wouldn’t say I’m theologically ignorant. What I am presenting however, is the idea that faith like a child and sound theology shouldn’t be divorced. Thus, when the Holy Spirit chooses to show up in awesome/crazy ways we shouldn’t theorize our way to say it couldn’t be God. I am aware many have used the Holy Spirit as an explanation for drawing attention to themselves. But even that doesn’t diminish my desire for God to do these cool things.

     

I’ll conclude with this. Perhaps the greater question for many is why does God even want to do these things? Is all that stuff really necessary? I believe it is in God’s nature to do things that make us stand in awe, but with the intent that we would enjoy Him like a child would enjoy their father doing things that make them say “WOW”. I have to believe that our heavenly Father enjoys us enjoying Him. He wants to reveal the greatness of the kingdom “On earth as it is in heaven”. But in His grace for us He doesn’t want to do things that push us away, when after all they aren’t essential to our salvation. So He allows our “safe” theology to continue. I however, tend to believe passion and safety don’t always dwell in the same house. In my passion for Him, I want to stand in awe when He chooses to put a cloud in the room, feathers start to fall, or gold dust appears, believing its because He wants to reveal the wonders of His kingdom to His kids. I would love my response to be, “WOW, can You do that AGAIN!? I would love it if God would enjoy Himself in my presence as much as I do in His. It’s not impossible with Faith, and with the faith like that of a child. 

Lets step back to '95

      This was a very full year, the beginning of which, like so many others, I was living in Mexico. It is actually hard to pull detailed recollections from that far back, but a very significant thing that happened was my baptism.
   I was seven and full of energy and imagination. As the youngest child of a missionary family I had heard constantly about God and His desire for me. My parents had been clearly seeking to raise their children in "the fear and admonition of the Lord" and I was no exception. Though unsure of many things, I fully believed God existed and He loved me, so it was not hard to make the decision to be baptized. I actually remember it quite clearly.
     It was a beautiful sunny day at the "Apartamentos Chapalita"in Guadalajara, Mexico. This particular year we were living in apartment 5, one of the several apartments we would live in throughout my childhood. A fellow missionary friend of ours was over visiting, and I remember him asking me if I was sure of my decision and what it meant. This question did not bring doubt because I was sure, even as I climbed down the steps into the apartment complex's pool. I didn't feel any different as I came up out of the water, but I do look back at that moment as a significant point in my spiritual foundation. There is a photo in an album somewhere of the event and though it along with the memory may fade the reality of the decision made by grace that day will not.

Present Day: Houston Trip

So I told you in the last post i would be going back and forth from past and present. Well today is a present day update.

   I am currently in Houston, TX hanging out with Michael Miller (Once again). We came down to catch the Cubs play their last divisional series with the Houston Astros since they will be changing divisions next year.
   While they Cubs did take 2 out of 3 from the Stros, that isn't what I would like to write about tonight.
More about a random fun experience Mr. Miller and I had. Instead of catching the last game of the series we decided to mix it up a bit when I realized that John Mark McMillan was in town. Yep, he was making his only public stop in the great state of Texas and I just so happened to be in Houston for it. From rooting for my Cubbies, eating great pizza (Bombay Pizza Co.) and seeing a great concert this has been a great week! I have to say thanks to the Hulls for being so gracious to allow us to crash at their home.

Why not start here!

This might be for me more than anyone else. If it is, I hope it changes it my life as i write it. 

   Today is the tenth day of May in 2012, and I will start by going back in time to my childhood, flashing to present and going back often. 

   April 17th, 1988: 

  It was a Sunday, and from what I've been told it was a morning, perhaps around 11am. This is my birthday, a very complicating and beautiful day. It starts with pain, but not quite the pain you might be thinking about. The pain of a stillborn life. Yes I, Levi, was stillborn. Modern science would say, this may not be that big of a deal, I however, was born in my childhood house. Present are my father, mother, and the midwife. My father takes my still quiet body into his arms and begins to pray, to cry out. My mother tells of great faith being present in the room. Time passes.. 5 minutes.. nothing. 10 minutes.. still breathless. 20 minutes.. the silence is broken.. Life. Breathe. 

     For His glory, for His fame, and for His renown I live. After 24 years It isn't hard to choose, in fact it would be harder not to. I can't help but be amazed by the wonder of the Miracle Maker, but I'm even more amazed at how personal He is!